every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
