Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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