dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
