I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
