Your face is a jimmy john
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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