So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
