I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My pussy is not your playground.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
