Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
