Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
