were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
