This girl is more easily done than said...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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