u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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