Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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