Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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