So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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