I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
