we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
