you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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