Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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