He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
