Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
