Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
