Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
