Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
