Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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