I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
