Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
