whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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