dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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