i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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