I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
