I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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