Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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