I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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