We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
