I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
