i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
