Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
