You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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