I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
