Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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