but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
