Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
