someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
