There is no way he is gay with that hair.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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