I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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