The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
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