I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
