everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
