I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
